In Too Deep
by lucky97mary
Summary: What if Edward never met Bella, but instead came across a mysterious, fiery girl named Jeanette? But Jeanette doesn't want anything to do with his world, or him, though things never turn out how she planned. But when things take a twist for the worst, maybe it's not her falling deep into his world, but him getting buried irreversibly in hers.
1. First Sight

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_Ugh, starting over again._

Here I was for the hundredth time, get enrolled _again_ in high school. Each time around was the same; disgustingly easy, full of petty teenagers, and incredibly boring—every time was seemingly infinitely more awful than the last.

At least this was a different sort of location. Our most recent move had landed us in Connecticut, somewhere I surprisingly had never actually been before. I've read that they have four distinct seasons here, which might be interesting. Different hunting grounds, I suppose.

My mind was jerked away from thoughts of hunting quietly through softly falling snow when a middle-aged woman approached me. To my surprise and delight, her thoughts were not the same as most female humans. Normally I might hear some inappropriate thoughts about the attractiveness that accompanies what I am. But now I hear something refreshingly different: _Looks like a good kid, intelligent sort of eyes. The whole family seems like they won't be much trouble._

I stood up and looking into the dark brown eyes of a woman who was clearly a teacher here, smiled gratefully. She handed me a chart on a piece of paper, saying, "Here's your schedule. Let me know if there are any issues. We have someone who might make a good guide for you, but they're not here just yet. If you could just wait a few more minutes…?"

I nodded to answer her question, and sat back down. Skimming my schedule solely out of boredom, I heard the woman walk away and close the door to her office a little ways down the hallway I was sitting on a bench in. I listened to the sounds of an entire school on a Friday afternoon; I heard girls calling out to each other, boys slamming one another's lockers, a teacher somewhere yelling at a student. And for just a moment, I was hit with a pang of a reminder, knowing I would never be able to just enjoy life, knowing it would not go on forever.

But it would go on forever. It always would.

I heard the door to the wide hallway open again, but I didn't look up. That is, until I was hit with desire—desire for blood. The muscles across my back tightened, my teeth clenched hard enough to snap steel, and enough venom to kill any animal on the face of the earth seeped into my mouth. If my heart still moved, it would be pounding so loud everyone around me could hear it.

I stopped breathing and moving, trying desperately to think through the haze. Carlisle. Think of him. Think of Esme. Just think, of anything other than this demon girl. What is this? Why is she here?

She paused at the desk near the door to chat with the receptionist, but I couldn't focus enough to listen. I didn't care to listen anyways. Not to this girl, not this monster.

I didn't want to listen to my own monster either, that wouldn't help anything. Do not harm her. Do not harm her. I chanted it over and over to myself.

Suddenly the girl looked up and into my ravaged eyes, fear evident in hers. But surprisingly she looked indignant as well, narrowing her eyes at me.

_Edward?!_

Alice's mental voice yelped from somewhere else in the school, and I was grateful for the small distraction. I clawed the armrest on the wooden bend, splintering it into pieces. If Alice had known something was wrong…well then she had _seen_ something go wrong.

_It's fine. It's going to be fine. Tell me if you need me. Get a hold on yourself._

I tried to relax without breathing in her scent, to little avail. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity even to someone who had to live through one, the girl disappeared into a door along the hallway.

Not until then did I allow myself to breathe, and I took in great gulps of air. What does that girl think of me now, I thought to myself as the haze cleared at last. I searched the minds of those on that side of the hallway, but I heard nothing that identified with the girl. I tried harder, confused, and the dull roar of minds grew into a nearly unbearable noise as I struggled to listen.

What on _earth _was going on here?

Never had I had any trouble hearing anyone's thoughts—not once, in nearly a century. Never had I had to _try _to hear them. I tried over and over to reach her, never having even a taste of success. I quickly reached the conclusion that this girl was purely a monster, something meant to torture me.

As some sort of sanity returned, I was still struck with the desire to kill this girl. Just as I had begun my chant once again, the woman from earlier emerged from her office. Along with the girl.

_No._

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	2. Self Control

The woman walks towards me, the girl in tow. I take in a huge breath of air before they reach me so that I might be able to talk without hurting either of them. Without having to dispose of every man, woman, and child in the hall.

I'm starting to panic, but through the haze, anticipation, and dread I take a split second to listen for Alice's warnings. But there's nothing. She's not thinking of me, she's thinking of Jasper, as usual. Which means she hasn't seen anything…but how?

Well if she hasn't seen anything, then nothing's going to happen. I try to convince myself of this as she approaches. The woman speaks before I can.

"Oh, by the way, my name is Mrs. Johnson, in case you need anything. This young lady here will be your guide."

"Jeanette," says the girl, giving me a small wave.

"Edward," I respond, giving up some of my precious air to be courteous. Though I'm not breathing, the memory alone of her scent is more than enough to drive me mad.

Our eyes meet, and surprisingly hers are filled with just as much determination as mine, but obviously I can't know the reason behind it, thanks to her silent mind. I, for the first time in memory, am the first to glance away, and I kick myself for it. Looking away first is a red flag for lying, which is something I have long since perfected. But I couldn't help it; having a human look at me with such strength was bizarre.

Suddenly I look back up and realize she had said something. I can't even pick it out of her head, so I suppose I'll have to ask. The normal way.

"Can you repeat that?" I kick myself again for yet another mistake in under two minutes; I'm using up more of my air for something that should not have been necessary.

"I said, did you want to exchange numbers? So we can meet up on Monday, since I've got practice like…right now."

I nodded and handed her my phone, careful not to let our skin touch. That would surely drive me insane, her warm touch combined with that kind of proximity. And I was hardly keeping it together as it was.

She put her number in, handed it back to me, said "thanks, see you Monday," and took off. Just like that. I sat back onto my bench, but didn't dare take a breath until the door had shut behind her. Big mistake; I should have left the room. The area still remained saturated with her scent, and I knew I had to get out before I made an even bigger mistake.

I headed out the back door of the school, earning me some sideways glances from others in the hall, and stalked out to my car. Slipping into the driver's seat, I snatched a CD at random out of the box under the stereo and shoved it into player, turning the volume up until I couldn't think of anything else, _especially_ not the girl. No, I was surely not thinking of her, not thinking of her blood, her tantalizing scent…

I was incredibly grateful when Emmett and Rosalie climbed into the car, getting into the back seat.

"What's wrong with you, kid?" asked Emmett boldly, and Rosalie raised her eyebrows in both a judgmental and curious fashion, as was her habit.

"Nothing," I muttered in response, my teeth ground together. It was then that I realized how tightly I was wound; my teeth was clenched, my hands turned even more pale for clutching the steering wheel, the muscles across my back strapped tight. So I tried to relax, and had some success with that.

Alice climbed into the passenger seat next to me, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. Jasper got in silently behind her, looking at her like she put the stars in the sky, as he always did.

_Edward, is everything alright? I saw…_

Her thought faded off into a vision, something she had seen just before the actual event had occurred. It was me, my head snapping up as the girl walked in, and looking at her murderously. I had known I was fighting off the monster I had tried so hard to bury, but was unaware of how obviously it was written across my features. What the girl must be thinking now.

And then, for just a sliver of a moment, Alice had watched me throw the girl against the wall behind her, then watched her lifeless body slump downwards. My eyes widened as I watched, and I shivered. No matter how I hated her, no matter how she tortured me, I hadn't believed I would have gone through with it.

"I'm fine Alice. She's fine, nothing went wrong."

She nodded, and Emmett groaned in frustration. Grumbling, he repeated something he said rather often, "Care to let us in on your little secret?"

Alice turned and shook her head playfully and turned around to grin at him. Jasper and Rosalie chuckled at Emmett's frustration, and I was grateful Alice had directed the spotlight away from me for a moment. I need to think.

But I _couldn't _think. I was utterly unable to clear my head of the girl's scent, and, strangely enough, her eyes. She had striking green eyes that I hadn't actually consciously noticed when I had first seen her, but they stuck with me for some reason or another.

When I blinked again, I was driving out the long road towards our new home. Having come such a long way without realizing I was driving at all was unsurprising; the motions were as familiar as breathing.

That's how everything had become, simple, easy, unchanging. The huge change in pace that the girl had caused was bizarre to me, after all these years. And so I had to go back to the routine, as I depended on it.

I had to get this under control.

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	3. Alone

**I know these chapters have been a bit dull, but the action will pick up soon, I promise! Just bear with me : )**

I was still half-mad when we pulled into the driveway, still struck with the desire to kill that damn girl. I flung myself out as soon as the car was in park, and headed into the woods.

I sprinted, nearly full speed, between trees, not a clue where I was going. The confused thoughts of my family followed me, and Alice's stood out: _Be safe._

I couldn't promise her anything.

My muscles ached to send me to find the girl, and the monster I had tried to hold back for nearly a century thrashed around in the back of my head, making it nearly impossible to think straight. As I moved, birds flew out and away, shrieking, and the trees blurred by.

Here, away from everyone's thoughts, I could begin to clear my head. A sort of light mist had begun to fall from the sky as well, which helped. But still, I wanted to go find her, I _needed_ to go find her. But that wasn't right…was it? Carlisle, I needed to go to Carlisle. He would know what I had to do.

So I started towards the hospital, trying not to think of where I knew I could find out where the girl lived. I would not face the man who was like a father to me with blood on my hands, in my eyes. That idea was what kept me away from her.

And so I went to Carlisle, to the local hospital where he now worked. I hunted once along the way, hoping to lessen the growing temptation. It did nothing. Worse still, animal blood nearly made me sick with the memory of her pulse beating under her pale skin at the forefront of my mind…_No. _I refuse to face Carlisle and even Esme with blood on my hands.

At last I reached the hospital. I waited until none were watching before emerging from behind a patch of trees near the hospital's entrance.

I picked my way through the flow of people, ignoring the ever-present dull roar of thoughts in the back of my mind and making my way towards the office Carlisle had recently acquired. I was careful not to touch my icy skin to any of the humans along the way.

He was already looking up when I walked, or rather burst through his door. Seeing his golden eyes, wise and calm, made me grateful that mine did not contain evidence of the murder I had barely restrained from committing.

"What is it?" he asked, rising. Worry streaked his voice, and rightfully so. Even though my own eyes did not contain the evidence of murder, I was sure they displayed a murderous rage.

And my eyes were only the beginning; this anger and desperation went much deeper.

"There's a girl, at the new school. She…her blood…it's like it's screaming at me," I began, struggling for words. "I want more than anything to _kill _her."

His eyes widened before he began nodding thoughtfully.

"We shall move on then," he said, shrugging, "no one is too settled to move away."

I shook my head. "No, I can't do that. You know how Esme loves our new home."

"She will love any home so long as her family is in it, and happy." But his thoughts read otherwise:

_Not many places are like Connecticut, and she does love the colored leaves._

"You're right, she does love it here Carlisle. I just will have to get away from a while."

He didn't answer at first, slightly embarrassed for thinking what he considered selfish thoughts, but when he did, it wasn't aloud, but with his thoughts.

_You must be sure, Edward, that you can handle it. Every human life is precious._

"I am sure. I'll go away for a while. Forever if necessary."

My father nodded, almost regretfully, but handed me his keys.

"Call if you need us. We will come at any time."

It was all I could do not curtly and flee, keys in hand. All the time I was talking to him, the temptation for her blood was growing stronger, though I tried in vain to beat it down.

And so I went, putting as many miles between me and that wretched girl before my will power gave in. That way, Alice might have time to stop me before I did something I would regret for an eternity. And as Emmett once said, "eternity is an awfully long time to wallow in guilt."

So I kept driving at a very much illegal speed, and rolled all the windows down, still trying to clear my head. I drove north up through New York and crossed the Canadian border, contemplating how little faith I had in my own self control all the way.

Long after night had fallen, I was well into Canada and alone on the long, winding roads. At last I decided to pull over and run, as I was sick of the slow pace that even the best car on the market couldn't fix.

I ran north through the unfamiliar woods until the sun began to peek over the horizon to my right. I paused to sit on a ridge and watch.

It was not until then that I allowed myself to think, and I realized that the landscape had begun to thin many miles ago, and I was now sitting on my ridge surrounded by snow in northern Canada. Hm. Running all night had gotten me farther than expected, as I was not running even close to full speed.

Ah, well, the further away from her I was, the better.

Early morning sunlight spilled across the land almost suddenly, causing my skin to glitter along with the icy snow that was my own company.

I was a freak.

My skin was a dead giveaway to how strange I truly was, so I was grateful that several years ago Carlisle had developed a pale-white powder sort of material that could hide the pathetic sparkling. Now we could be out on sunny days, but often did not risk attending school when the sun shone too brightly.

I sat unmoving for hours, until the sun was moving towards the western horizon. I began to wonder where my family was and what they were up to. Were they worrying about me? Perhaps they were enjoying their time without my permanently dark personality putting a damper on things. I wished it were possible for me to hear their thoughts from here.

Through all my thoughts and wondering, the girl's piercing green eyes stared at me, unmoving but seemingly alive. They read the same expression that they had when we had made eye contact in the hall: half afraid, determined, and slightly defiant.

As night began to fall once again, I started to consider heading back. I missed my family, and didn't want some insignificant human girl having any sort of power over me.

And so when my watch read 10 p.m., I went to get up. Just as I had begun to turn back the way I had come so many hours ago, my phone buzzed. I considered not answering, but it might be Carlisle.

Instead, it was Alice.

"Alice, I'm on my way back now," were the first words out of my mouth.

"I know," she responded, a smile in her voice. "I just wanted to say that I'm glad you are."

I smiled to myself, and the line went dead.

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	4. Far Too Potent

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I figured that if I hurried, I would be back before school on Monday morning. As it would turn out, I was more than right; I was back to the secluded spot I had parked Carlisle's car in by sunrise. It would seem I was either going much slower than I'd thought, or had taken a very indirect route.

No matter what the reason, I drove nearly the speed limit on my way back, calling to mind every time I had resisted the temptation of a human's blood. No time had the scent ever been this ridiculously potent, but I tried to put it out of my mind.

I had put a century's worth of effort into keeping innocent human beings alive. As I dwelled on my life, something I hadn't done in a while, I found myself thinking of the days in which I had hunted down the most evil of the humans, killing them.

The moment I caught myself thinking of it, I put it out of my mind.

Human blood should not be the topic in my mind as I try to strengthen my resolve.

I will face her, regardless of what my family says. Surely if Alice had not told them what was going on, Carlisle would have. Ugh, seeing their faces and hearing their thoughts full of pity was the last thing I wanted to do.

But I had to. It would take some convincing to let them allow me to go.

The amount of convincing it would take had me pressing the gas pedal down, speeding back home.

I parked Carlisle's car in the garage, and as I shut the door I could hear my family talking inside.

"He's back!" called Alice.

"Act normal! Nothing has changed," Jasper hissed back. It was unusual to hear him talk to her in that tone, but he might know what my little predicament was like.

I walked in, and found them all to be assembled in the living room, in pairs per usual. _Very _normal.

Hoping ridiculously that I could get away without argument or confrontation, I strode over to Carlisle, handed him his keys, and moved to disappear up the stairs.

"Wait," Rosalie's voice called, sounding deadly. Oh joy, she had formed yet another unshakeable opinion that was completely illogical. Honestly, I hadn't a clue as to what about her Emmett found appealing.

I turned on my heel and went to make my argument before everyone else had their piece.

"I'm going back tomorrow. I can handle it. It was merely shock the first day. I'll return to school Monday regardless of what you think." Perhaps the last part was a bit much; they all prefer when they have a say in something.

Esme is the first to respond.

"Edward, honey, we know you can handle it. We just are wary of such risks."

I nod, and then Emmett pipes up, saying, "No way, he can handle it. Been doing it for a hundred years, he won't stop now. Too thick-headed."

I smile gratefully at Emmett for thinking straight, and he nods back at me.

"I too believe he can handle it, but I don't want him to make a mistake. I know what temptation is like, and it is stronger each time," Jasper says quietly, apologizing with his thoughts.

_Listen, I don't want you to regret hurting her. I'm sorry._

He clearly has little faith in me, but I nod anyways. Jasper wants only the best for our family, I suppose.

Rosalie butts in then, making her opinion clear to everyone.

"If you almost snapped then, what makes you think you won't tomorrow? Suck up your pride, Edward, and stay home."

"Rosalie," Esme chides her, shaking her head at Rosalie's rash words.

"I have an idea," I say, half sarcastic. "Why don't we ask Alice? She might, I don't know, have a clue as to what will happen." I only argue this point because I've already seen it in Alice's head.

"It will go fine. The girl won't be at all suspicious, and above all will remain alive. Edward can handle it," Alice finishes, beaming at me. I can't help but smile back at my pixie of a sister.

All eyes turned to Carlisle then, as he was the head of our family. All decisions were made final by him, in all cases.

He looked out at us, his eyes settling on me as he spoke.

"If Edward thinks he can handle it, then I trust his judgment."

"Thank you," I responded, relaxing. It will go smoothly, just as Alice said. Rosalie sighed angrily, and Jasper shrugged, trusting Alice's visions. Alice and Emmett were both grinning at each other, probably both taking credit for winning the small argument.

I flew up the stairs, on my way to my room and my music. I placed a mix CD Alice had given me a few years back into the player, and laid down on the couch in the corner of my room, closing my eyes.

It was just about the closest I could get to sleep, and I remained like that, unmoving, through the night.

I got to school somewhat early the next day, and moved quickly across the school campus to the hall where the woman had given me my schedule.

Sitting down on the same bench I had sat on last time, I listened as my siblings went off to various rooms and offices, still get situated in this school like me. After all, school had started a few months ago, and it was now late November.

My phone buzzed then, and as I looked down, I saw a message from an unfamiliar number.

"Be there in ten," it read, and I realized it must be from the girl. I didn't respond, just slipping the phone back into my pocket and trying to focus again. I would handle this, I had to handle this.

My ten minutes of preparation flickered by, and true to her word, the girl appeared in the hall in exactly ten minutes, twenty minutes before class began. Already I had taken in the deepest breath possible, and had ceased to breathe.

"Hey, let's get going so I can show you where to go," she said, making her way up to me. I nodded, trying to save my air. The sight of her, and the warmth that came with her brought the memory of her scent crashing back, and I felt the monster in me thrashing again.

I scan the minds of my family for a distraction as I follow the girl out of the hall, and find that all their thoughts are turned towards me, Alice especially.

_Be careful._

Her thoughts remind me that she did not see anything happen, and that all I had to do was ignore the scent of this insignificant girl.

I watch as people walk by us, some glancing up at me, many smiling and waving to my unlikely companion. Several of those that do so glance between her and I, surprise growing in their eyes. Already some of those who don't acknowledge the girl are forming daydreams about them and I, struck by the attractiveness that is an annoying side effect to this life. Those that do acknowledge her, though, are almost all thinking something along the lines of:

_If he's with Jeanette, nobody will even think about going after him._

Hm. That was curious. Maybe she had some sort of power over these students.

But I remember all too well that it didn't matter who she was when my air began to run out with our next conversation.

"Here, this should be your class, Mr. Hill. He's strict, but if you do your work he's fine."

I nodded, for the thousandth time.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I'll be back after this period to bring you to your next class. What do you have?"

"Spanish, Mrs. Goff." Oh no, I couldn't keep this up a whole lot longer.

"Got it. She's great. I think we both have English together later this afternoon."

"Alright, thanks." I'm sounding like an idiot, thanking her for everything.

"Sure. You need anything else?"

I had to take a breath if I was going to respond. I sucked in fresh air, but it was like breathing in her scent more directly than I'd thought possible.

"No!" I blurted out, darting into the room she had left me at. The blow of temptation had hit me like a brick wall, and I was trying so hard not to go after to her, to kill her there in the flow of humans. I was back in the state I was in the car on Friday afternoon, wound tightly enough to snap.

In the room, I breathed deeply and quickly, trying to get her scent out of my head. Her blood was more tempting that I'd believed possible, and it seemed even more potent the second time. How I was going to deal with this all day, I didn't know.

I supposed I was about to find out.

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	5. Too Many Risks

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I was hoping that no one would be in the classroom this early, as I sorely needed a break from any temptation. But, as always, fate was not willing to help me out, and a tall, dark haired man stood behind a desk in the front of the room.

I turned my back to him, but he spoke up.

"Excuse me? Can I help you?"

_Oh great, another kid trying to mess up my day. What is he doing here?_

"I'm a new student," I mutter, practically growling at the man. Hearing thoughts seems to have more downfalls than advantages.

"Ah, you must be…Edward Cullen."

I nod at him, unreasonable anger still coursing through me. But I can't hold it back; all my energy is devoted to staying there, in that room, and not going to find the girl. Towards keeping her alive, though I don't know her at all.

Real fear flashes in the teacher's eyes, his instincts kicking it.

_Creepy sort of kid. Better stay out of his way. Wait, who am I kidding?! I'm the authority here…_

I tune out his thoughts before my will power gives in and I throw him against the wall behind his desk.

Fate really is testing my self-control these days, isn't it?

I sit through a boring and highly flawed lecture on World War 1 after the man sends me to a seat in the back of the room. I spend the entire class period alternating between correcting his lecture in my head, trying to figure out how I will keep the girl alive when we have a class together, and skimming the thoughts around the girl.

Even though I ache to murder her and end the temptation of her wretched blood, I am still incredibly curious as to why I can't listen to her think, something I am grateful my family hasn't learned about yet.

Perhaps that mystery will be enough to keep her breathing.

But when the bell rings at the end of class, I start to think otherwise.

All the students scatter the moment the bell rings, and for the first time I am not the first one out the door. Instead, I take my time in an effort to limit the amount of time I have to spend with her. The room empty, I take in a huge breath so that I can keep up the courteous act.

The girl appears in the doorway in just a few moments, as she had class just down the hall from me. Not that I hadn't thought of that when I had been visualizing a thousand ways to get to her and kill her.

She gives me a tight-lipped smile before beckoning to me and heading off into the throng of students. I follow, glad I still have all of my air. This confrontation should go better than the last.

She turns and slows down to look back at me, her piercing green eyes looking straight into mine. I'm thrown off just a bit, as humans generally avoid eye contact with me and my family.

"How was your first class?" she asks, weaving her way through the crowd. I follow close behind, but not too close. I can't afford _that _risk.

"Boring." My flat answer draws a small laugh from her, and she nods.

"Yeah, I figured. History's pretty dry in general, especially with Mr. Hill. He's even wrong a lot of times!"

I was surprised that she knew that; I had assumed that all of the humans thought history had occurred this way.

When I don't remember to respond quick enough, she asks another question.

"How do you like it here so far?"

I shrug. "Your classes are longer," I say, beginning to wonder where on earth this class is; I may have to live forever but can't talk long without breathing. I'm also becoming increasingly uncomfortable without my sense of smell, though not as nearly as 'uncomfortable' she would be if I dared to breathe.

"Yeah, we've only got four a day, and you have each class every other day. I like it."

"Oh," is all I can manage. Hopefully she'll think I'm shy or something.

"Here's Mrs. Goff's," she says, and I realize that we've travelled down to the floor under the school, where the halls are covered in posters about trips to Europe and "World Language Honor Society." So this must be where all the language rooms are.

I give her another curt nod and duck inside before she can manage to ask any more questions. I'm proud of myself as I make my way over to the teacher, determined this time to make a decent impression. Alice was right; I can handle this.

Spanish begins to pass uneventfully, though thankfully this teacher is much more learned on their topic than the last. Even still, I'm well aware that my Spanish is far better than hers. As it should be; I've had nearly a hundred years to perfect it.

I'm skimming along the minds of people to pass the time when I come across Mrs. Johnson, the woman who gave me my schedule. She's in her office, and thinking back on the conversation she had with the girl in her office last Friday.

Intrigued, I focus in on her thoughts and watch the scene play out.

"Hi Jeanette, thanks for coming," said the woman as the girl enters, closing the door behind her.

"No problem, Mrs. Johnson," she responded, smiling. So they must be close then?

"There's a young man who will be a new student here. I'm not sure if you saw him, he's out in the hall." Recognition flickered in the girl's eyes before the woman continued.

"I was wondering if you would do me a favor and be his guide, you know, show him to his classes, help him get acquainted, be friendly."

She girl shook her head slowly, regretfully.

"I'd love to help you out, but I'm really busy with my classes and sports…"

Mrs. Johnson didn't seem to be willing to give up. "It would be a huge help to me, and to the new boy. His name is Edward and he and his family just moved here from Alaska."

"Really Mrs. Johnson, I'd love to. But I don't know that I can handle an extra responsibility."

"I'd let your teachers know, so you'd be allowed to class late for two weeks or so. You could make a good friend doing this," the woman continued to plead.

"I suppose I could handle it if it's only for a few weeks…" the girl's voice trailed off.

All the while more irrational anger was growing in me. This girl didn't even want to 'help' me in the first place, and here I was desperately trying to keep her alive!

So I skipped out of Mrs. Johnson's head before I took another risk.

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	6. Lunch

Spanish flew by after that, and to my dismay the bell had rung before I knew it. Now that I knew I could handle facing the girl, I wasn't worried about killing her.

Well, I wasn't _that_ worried.

Okay, I wasn't as worried as before.

But the real reason I was disappointed that the bell had rung was that next was lunch, which I had with my family. And their questions were inevitable.

As she had done twice already, the girl made it to the door of the classroom in seemingly record time. This time she looked slightly annoyed, but it didn't seem to be directed at me. There were no words exchanged this time, for which I was grateful.

We came to the cafeteria and she plastered a smile on her face, saying "see you after lunch," and disappeared into the crowd.

One look out onto the large room found me my family, sitting alone at a table in the corner of the room. I picked my way through the humans towards them and sat at the last empty seat at the table. Emmett was, for reasons unbeknownst to me, grinning at me already. His mind gave me no indication until he spoke. He had a tendency of speaking without thinking.

"Dude, you never told me she was _showing you around!_"

I shrugged and looked away, but he wouldn't let it drop.

"Told you that you could deal though; you've seen her what, 3 times today? And no murders! I'd call it a success and some nice betting on my part."

Rosalie hissed at him for talking like that so loudly, especially as all the humans were glancing at us, the new kids. The new, standoffish, inhumanly good looking kids. Who were all from one family, but were, for the most part, "together." All this the humans had gathered about us, but no one even considered anything that was a mile within the truth.

As always.

None were in earshot, though.

"Wait a second," Jasper said, for some reason just catching up with the conversation, "she's your _guide?_ Geez Edward, I thought you just happened to stumble over her."

"I didn't get a guide, they just handed me a map," said Alice, shrugging. Lucky her. I wonder why they'd thought I would need someone to show me around.

"Ugh, I got some little twit who's been telling all his friends we're together!" Rosalie's voice was full of venom, and I figured that little twit better watch himself before her already small amount of patience dwindled any further. Emmett just laughed, used to human boys staring at Rosalie.

Lunch passed by, none of us eating as usual. I'm tuned into the girl, still trying to get into her mind. I listen to her talk to the group she sits with, watch several boys stare at her, watch girls ask her for advice. And still, nothing. Not even so much as a whisper from her mind.

"Well, what does she think of you?" Emmett prods after a few moments of my silence. This was not a question I was prepared to answer, though I should've been. I just shrug, but he insists.

"Come on, it's probably something about how crazy you are!" He laughs for a moment before looking at me and cocking his head to one side.

"Wait a second…" starts Rosalie, and I shoot her a death glare. "You can't hear her, can you?"

"Of course he can hear her, he can hear all of them!" counters Jasper, followed by nodding from Emmett.

"No," I mutter grudgingly, "I can't hear her. I don't know why." They are never going to let me live this one down.

Emmett bursts out laughing, and Rosalie smiles, looking proud of herself. Naturally.

Jasper's eyebrows shoot up and his mind stutters out thoughts.

_But…he can't hear her? Why not! Maybe that's…part of the… temptation? Without thoughts she's less of a person?_

I shoot him a dirty look and he shrugs at me. Alice, on the other hand, is looking down at the table and smiling to herself. I try to read her thoughts to find out why, but she's blocking me out, instead translating the Constitution into Japanese. I roll my eyes; she can't keep me out forever.

Then suddenly all joking ends when someone across the cafeteria opens a door, causing cold wind to whip in towards us. Bringing the girl's scent with it.

I clutch the table. I had no warning this time, I had actually just gone to take a breath. Emmett is, for once, alert, and his hand clamps down on my shoulder. Rosalie's head snaps up towards the source of the scent, as does Jasper's. All of them are tempted; the girl's scent apparently appears to all of our kind.

But none of them even considered killing her, not even Jasper. He's the newest to our way of life, and even he remains in a much better state than I am. As usual, my muscles are tensed, venoms flows into my mouth, and my teeth are bound together. Alice is the most proactive, getting up and dragging me towards a back door.

She gets me in front of her and shoves me out, opening the door in one quick motion. She lets it slam shut behind her before glancing around, ensuring that no one is watching.

"Get yourself together!" she scolds, her hand flashing out to slap me across my face.

"Think of Carlisle! What he would think! That girl is innocent, and you will not harm her. I saw it."

I try to nod, but all I can think of is that girl, and her blood. It's even stronger than the first two times, as Jasper said.

"Do you need to leave?" Alice asks, her voice softening.

Here, with the cool November air blowing across my face, I get it together and shake my head no. I won't give in; running away seems weak.

She says nothing, but heads back inside, expecting me to follow. I do so, and thankfully the door on the other end of the cafeteria is now safely shut again.

Lunch has apparently just ended, as everyone has gotten up and is moving towards the exits, back into the hallway. The rest of my family looks warily at me, as if they can't be sure what I'm going to do next.

_Call if you need me. I can get you out of class._

I nod to Alice in response. The skinny kid who must be Rosalie's guide has appeared, and is looking absolutely terrified of Emmett's hulking form. Emmett grins at him in response, causing the kid's eyes to grow as wide as saucers.

Another boy has arrived, a shy one. He is, according to his mind, supposed to be showing Jasper around. Jasper didn't mention him.

Jasper does, however, spread an aura of warmth across everyone, calming the entire situation.

The girl arrives, looking up at me and beckoning towards the hall. She looks on edge, but certainly not afraid.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why her reactions are not normal human reactions.

But I'm forced to follow her anyways.

**Reviews are very much appreciated!**


	7. The Only Conclusion

I followed her out into the hall and to my next class, chemistry, which is upstairs. This was the only class to give me any trouble, but I'd mastered it decades ago.

She said nothing, and based on her expression she was clearly not happy. I didn't know why, as her mind remained closed, but frankly I didn't care. I was going through enough trouble for this girl as it is.

I forced myself into the room so that I did not follow and drag her out the back door. Sitting rigidly in my seat, I tensed at any scent of human blood, though it was not hers. With my patience worn so thin and me itching for the girl's blood, my throat burned at any human who dared come to close.

Luckily, my apparently 'totally pissed' expression and 'crazy looking' eyes kept them at bay. Well, that's what their thoughts said.

Even the teacher didn't come too close, a short man with chaotic, scattered thoughts by the name of Dr. Hosking. As it was an advanced class, he apparently had to be highly certified to teach it. His thoughts revealed that he could teach at a college, but chose to help kids looking for a challenge academically here. I suppose he had respectable intentions, though he often lost his patience with any students whose attention strayed.

Near the end of class, as I was focusing on dealing with being in the same room as the girl for over an hour, his eyes flickered to me and he smiled. Either I was losing my edge or this man was out of his mind.

I chose to believe the latter.

The bell rang and the girl appeared again at the door, taking a little longer than usual. She looked flushed, and her eyes glinted with something else. Still, I didn't care why.

She jerked her head towards the stairs that lead down, as we were on the top floor, and this time I walked next to her. That way, her scent wouldn't hit me as we went. As usual, I had taken a deep breath in case she felt the need to engage in conversation. She didn't.

Together we made our way to a room off the main hallway, and the teacher smiled wholeheartedly at the girl before her eyes fell on me, and she got up.

"You must be Edward…Cullen?"

I nodded.

"I heard you moved here from Alaska; that must be quite the change!"

"It has been," I say quietly, hoping she will take the hint and end the conversation. She doesn't.

"How are you liking it here?"

"It's nice, a lot warmer."

"That's for sure!" she exclaimed, letting out a laugh. I chuckled along with her to be polite. I had been courteous for nearly a century and I certainly wasn't going to stop now.

"We're reading _Twelve Angry Men_ right now, have you read it?"

I nod and edge towards the desks, and this time she does get the hint.

"Alright, well you can sit in the back with Jeanette."

I nod and head towards the back before realizing just who Jeanette is. I'd been referring to her as 'the girl' in my mind so much that her actual name didn't even register. I glance around almost frantically, but it's the only open seat in the small classroom.

Oh, for the love of God when would this end?!

Again, I don't have a choice. It seems I don't have a choice with anything anymore.

I slide into the seat just barely, trying to keep towards the right. The girl or _Jeanette_ sits on my left, next to the wall.

The teacher, whose name I failed to catch, tells everyone to read the next 30 pages. They groan, but start. I pick up the book just so that I won't be 'scolded' and pretend to read it. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch the girl quickly read the entire 30 pages while most of the others are still on the first 10.

Then she picks up a notebook out of her bag and begins to scrawl away in it. The teacher takes notice, but leaves her to it. She must be a 'star student.'

I glance over, but her arm shifts to block my view. It's safe for me to lean over just a bit, trying to see what she's writing, as I've yet to breathe since chemistry. I can't afford any more conversation though; that would require air.

Her eyes flick up instantly and dare me to come any closer. Clearly she's not going to let me see.

So I move back to the center of the seat, and continue to watch her out of the corner of my eye. I start to notice things about her that I didn't care enough to see any other time. Things like the few freckles she has on her nose and under her eyes. Things like her bright red hair, which lies in a single braid down her back. Funny I didn't see that one before, it's glaringly obvious. I had only noticed her sharp green eyes.

But then the teacher asks, "Edward, which juror do you see as the protagonist?"

When I shrug, she prods again, saying "Come on, just take a guess."

I have to breathe to answer, and in the instant after I say "number 8," I remember exactly why it doesn't matter what the girl looks like, or why her mind is closed to me.

It doesn't matter because she is going to die.

It takes just a second, but I plan out the death of every person in the room, as none can be allowed to leave after witnessing me kill her.

I decide to save her for last, as she is not only in the far corner of the room but taking the time to consumer her blood might allow one of the others to scream.

It doesn't matter than they are all innocent. They will die, plain and simple.

The monster I know I can't beat down rises immediately to the surface and grins, as if it knew all along that I would not be able to avoid killing her. I will resort back to the thing I was during the time I strayed from Carlisle and Esme; there is no other way.

I hated her so much that I could hardly think to allow her a swift death.

I hated her for bringing the monster back.

I would start to my right, killing the girl who had been thinking inappropriately towards me all class first. I would then snap the neck of the tall boy to her right, and move up the row.

I would have to move as quickly as I could so that none could escape out the large window or scream, because that would mean more murders.

It takes me under 5 seconds to plan the demise of everyone who is unfortunate to be in the room. I know I could carry it out in under that amount of time.

Then, lucky for everyone, a student sitting by the window on the other side of the room shoves it open and lets a cold wind blow into the room.

The girls around him squeal, demanding that he shut it. But it is a miracle that he opened it, as those same girls would have made much more horrifying noises if he hadn't.

It only last a few moments, the wind, but it is enough for me to clutch a scrap of sanity from where my humanity had disintegrated.

I think of Carlisle, and how the disappointment would shine in his eyes if I went through with this. He wouldn't hold it against me, though the act would be hideous and unforgiveable. But I would hold it against myself.

I am quick enough to take a huge breath before the boy shuts the window again, and holding the fresh November air in my lungs helps to come back to myself. Well, I come close enough.

Still, the rest of the class lasts an eternity. My immortal perspective has vanished, and each minute is a decade. Fate and whatever God may be out there seems intent on torturing me, and forcing me to give in.

The girl herself has taken no notice of my little scene as far as I can gather. She simply continues scribbling away in her book. But who knows, she could know that I wished her dead. I wouldn't be able to find out anyways, unless I asked. What a strange conversation that might be, before I killed her of course.

"_Oh, by the way Jeanette, have you noticed me thirsting for your blood? You have? Well good, you ought to be prepared."_

A strange conversation indeed.

As at last the bell decided to ring, I was wondering where on Earth Alice was during all this. I hadn't even considered listening to her thoughts. I was a bit preoccupied.

But I found out exactly where Alice was when I got out of the room faster than any of the humans and found her standing beside the door to the room. She grabbed my arm and pulled me out to the car. I figured out why when I listened to her looking back over the vision she had seen during my English class.

There I was in that room, carrying out the task I had planned so swiftly in my head. It was far more gruesome than it had been when I'd envisioned it, and blood pooled everywhere in the room. Pale corpses lay strewn across the floor.

The girl stood in the corner by her desk, and the first hint of fear I had seen flashed in her eyes. Then she raised her chin defiantly and the monster I'd nearly become drained the life from her.

Her lifeless body slumped against the wall, pale white. Her eyes remained open and that was the sight that sent shivers down my spine. It bothered me more than any other dead body ever had. There was no logical reason why that would be.

All I knew was that I would find her eventually. And her life would come to an end.

**Reviews are appreciated!**


	8. Split Second Decisions

By some strange twist of fate, she survived the two weeks of being my guide. She escaped with her life. I escaped with my half-clean record, but not my sanity.

My life, should one refer to it as that much, returned to normal, what was normal for me and my family. I hunted with the rest of them. I skipped school only when my siblings did. My endless night continued, and the majority of my family assumed that I had simply forgotten the girl altogether.

This could not be further from the truth.

Some part of my mind, with its wretched ability to think of many things at once, was always thinking of her. Of her blood, of her closed mind. _Why? _I had to wonder. This question was the hardest to answer, and it was also the one constantly on the forefront of my mind.

Every other day I sat next to her in English class, not breathing, trying to get into her mind. The burn in my throat always scorched its way down whenever I was forced to breathe, but I never once got as close to killing her as I did that first day of class.

And so even more so than usual, I faked my way through pretending to be normal. Only Jasper and Alice were not completely convinced; Alice because she knew me too well, and Jasper because he could sense that something more than my usual gloom was going on.

I wondered constantly, unable to stop thinking the inevitable _why_.

And so it was in this way that this particular November passed by. Thanksgiving came and went, my family doing nothing to celebrate it as usual.

December began to tick by. The days by themselves did not matter, all were the same.

Those weeks were spent wondering how I could get into her head more than actually trying, and my family all trying to arrange Christmas gifts for one another without Alice or myself finding out. Although I wasn't much in the business of wanting to know what they were planning, Alice sure was.

That was how she and I came to be standing next to one another against the Volvo in lightly falling snow, the rest of my siblings avoiding us and driving separately. While I was focused on the girl, who stood across the parking lot against a friend's car, Alice was somewhat sulking, as she _really_ wanted to know what Jasper had gotten her for Christmas.

"But _Edward_! I hate when he hides things from me!"

"Well you should've been paying more attention, and that's not the reason you want to know," I responded, forcing a small chuckle at her exasperation.

"I was paying attention, but I can't find out know! He's already bought it, so it's in the past. What if I looked at what will happen on Christmas…"

I gave her a little shove as her eyes started to glaze over; Jasper made me swear not to tell her what she was getting. I didn't really care, and I knew that deep down she didn't either, but Jasper had tried very hard this year in keeping her in the dark.

Alice's wavering vision of Jasper's gift was suddenly cut off, replaced by a far more horrifyingly solidified one. I watched in her mind as a van slid across the now icy parking lot and into the girl, smashing her body between the cars and leaving the pavement coated with her blood.

_No._

I made a split second decision, but I had no time to see how her vision twisted and the future with it. I flung myself across the parking lot, blurring by students and cars. My eyes were locked on the girl, but her sharp eyes were watching the van come towards her. She scrambled desperately to get out the way, shoving away from the car she had been leaning against.

I caught her with one arm around the waist, pushing her into the pavement and hearing a tiny crack as her arms braced the unexpected fall. I shoved my shoulder into the van that was now right on top of us, sending the metal creaking and the driver towards the opposite window.

As the van tipped away from us, the girl swept her legs out from underneath the wheel. I looked right at her, and she looked back into my eyes, fear evident for the first time. She held her right wrist with the other hand, wincing in pain. I glanced over her, and relief washed through me when I could see no clear signs of flowing blood.

Neither of us spoke. She didn't open her mouth probably due to shock; I didn't because I didn't dare breathe within this kind of proximity. I couldn't save her life only to take it away just as quickly.

The monster was still there, just below the surface. But I could restrain it just enough to take inventory of the situation I had just put myself and my family in.

I scanned the minds of all the humans as faces peeked through the cracks between the cars, searching for a ruined, bloody body. All of them were shocked to find me with her, and even more shocked to find that we were both in one piece.

"JEANETTE!" screeched the voice of a tiny dark haired girl who I had often seen the girl with.

"Charlotte, Charlotte I'm alright! Just my arm…" the girl trailed off, wincing again.

It took multiple students and teachers to pry away the van to reach us. I briefly considered giving them a little help but Rosalie's mental screams as Alice told her what had happened told me that the mess was big enough.

Although the minds of the bystanders were all shocked, they all quickly reached the conclusion that they simply hadn't seen me, and that I had pushed her out of the way.

The girl didn't seem to reach this same conclusion.

Instead, she continued to stare at me in a way that told me she wasn't shocked because of the van, but because I had shown up to save her.

What had I _done_?

The girl was helped out first and pulled into a tight half-embrace by the dark haired girl, and I followed quickly behind her only to show that I was unharmed and would not need to be taken care of. Most of attention was turned away from me and towards the driver of the car, whose windshield had left many scratches upon, and the girl, who cradled her arm as it dangled at an angle that did not look normal.

Alice showed up at my side unexpectedly, as was her habit. Her hand curled around my arm and she started hissing at me.

"Rosalie's on a warpath. Be careful. Smooth things over."

She tugged on my arm, and I was relieved to be away from the center of the mess I had created. Rosalie sped off in her red sports car, which she had driven Jasper and Emmett to school in today. It looked like we would not be attending high school today. The rest of us climbed into the Volvo, and I was able to push away their thoughts. I couldn't do so to their voices.

"What were you _thinking?!"_ yelled Emmett.

"That was ridiculous! I've never seen anyone flaunt our kind in that way! Such a risk of exposure!" exclaimed Jasper in a voice that was very loud for him.

They continued going back and forth about what people would think, about what Rosalie would do, about how I could've done something differently.

Finally Alice turned around, exasperated, and snapped at them.

"Did you maybe think for just one second about what would have happened had he let her blood spill right there? Don't you think _that_ might have been a far more noticeable situation?"

She had a good point, though that wasn't the thought that had crossed my mind when I had left Alice's side. She seemed to know this as well, for some reason. Alice was very perceptive.

Her barked comment silenced Jasper, but not Emmett.

"Oh. I didn't think of that. Nice going then, I guess. You were moving pretty darn fast Edward," he said, letting out a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes at him and sped towards our home in the woods. I had an argument to prepare for. Rosalie was more than ready to rip into me.

**I'm just going to stop hoping for reviews, oh well.**


	9. The Logical Version

Alice had been right about Rosalie being on a warpath.

Here, on my way to the hospital Carlisle works at, which also happens to the hospital the girl was taken to, I started to mull over our conversation, wondering if I had been too harsh.

"_What on earth were you thinking?!" Rosalie screeched at me the moment I walked through the door. I didn't honestly have much of an answer for her question, so I just shrug in response._

"_You put us all at risk you ignorant jerk! She's just a human! We could have the Volturi knocking on our front door if anyone saw!" She continued to rant at me, her mind spewing out a constant stream of profanities. Finally I cracked._

"_Not everything is about you Rosalie! No one saw, for god sakes! Get over yourself!"_

_Rosalie's eyes flashed, bright with anger. Before she could open her mouth, Alice interrupted._

"_Get a hold of yourselves! Rosalie, Edward saved her because he couldn't have watched her blood spill without reacting. No one saw. If they did, we can move," there was a moment of silence before she continued, "Now what needs to happen is Emmett needs to take Rosalie to go get rid of any evidence at the school. Edward, you need to go see Carlisle. Tell him what happened; see if anyone at the hospital suspects anything. Go."_

We had all headed out in our respective directions according to her orders. When Alice gets serious, she has quite the voice, and as we left I saw her wearing a smug grin.

I rolled my eyes.

I arrived at the hospital in just a few minutes. I went slowly, trying to decide what I would say to Carlisle as I reached the hospital a few towns over.

I paused for a moment in the trees near the entrance, and found that the ambulance and with it a group of students had arrived just a few minutes ago. With many of them lingering in the lobby, I located a door closer to Carlisle's office and made my way through the halls. Several nurses saw me and their eyes lit up with surprise as they connected Carlisle and I's appearances. I ignored them.

My father was already looking at the door when I entered, closing it behind me. He put the down the pen he was writing a report with to listen.

"What troubles you?"

"Carlisle, the girl, she was going to get hit and I…"

"Calm down, just explain."

"The girl, the one whose blood appeals to me, she was going to hit by a van. I was across the lot and Alice saw it and I had to throw myself towards her and push the van away. I couldn't avoid tossing her on the ground and something in her arm snapped and she knows but no one else saw." My words remained rushed and confusing; I was at a breaking point. Thankfully, he understood anyway, nodding thoughtfully.

"You're sure no others saw?"

I nodded.

"Well, then it doesn't seem like too terrible of a situation. I'll go check on her; she's likely to be a patient of mine. You should come as well, see what the other students are thinking."

I nodded and followed him back into the hall. Together, we made our way over to the room of the driver of the van and the girl. I hovered and listened outside the door while Carlisle went in.

Guilt was eating at me for hurting her in my quest to save her life, for reasons unbeknownst to me. I went over the events that happened in the blink of an eye, trying to see a way where I could have acted differently to have saved my family the exposure and avoid injuring her. There seemed no other way than the way things had actually occurred.

As I stood outside, Carlisle transformed into Dr. Cullen. I watched her through his eyes, and saw her eyes spark with recognition as she, like the nurses, made the connection between Carlisle and I.

He chatted quietly with her, but one could tell she was still very wary. Her arm turned out to be broken; she was set up with a sling and scheduled to receive a hard cast in two days.

Just as Carlisle was preparing to leave, she asked a question that seemed to have been on her mind for a while. Not that I could tell.

"Will I be able to run?"

Carlisle looked up at her, hesitating.

"My apologies, I'm not sure what you mean."

"Will I be able to run indoor track?" Her voice is quieter this time, subdued.

"Oh, I see. As long as we get you a hard cast without a problem, I don't see why not."

She blew the air out of her lungs, smiling at him.

"Thanks."

He nodded and then headed out the door, and towards me.

_She's all yours. Go ahead and fix it, do whatever you think is right._

I smile gratefully at him, though I'm more than aware I don't deserve his trust at all.

I head into the room anyway.

As I slipped into the room, taking the deepest breath possible and trying not to wake the driver of the car who had swiftly fallen asleep once Carlisle had left, I watched her eyes flick up at the sound of my quiet steps. The sharp green of her eyes narrowed, and she looked conflicted.

"Hello," I began, knowing I must silence and confuse her, as much as it was wrong.

"Hi," she responded, her voice wary.

"I'm sorry about your arm." I'm trying to conserve as much air as possible.

"It's, it's fine. I'll be able to run. You pushed me out of the way." She raised her eyebrows as she finished off her response.

I just shrugged, as if what had happened was completely normal, completely human. She wasn't convinced, for all obvious reasons. She knew I hadn't been anywhere near her.

"How'd you get there so fast?"

"I was right near you." I look her straight in the eyes, willing her to believe.

She shook her head. "No, you weren't. You were across the lot. I saw you." She spoke with the same conviction that I did.

"No, Jeanette," it felt strange to say her name aloud, "I was right near you." I have to breathe in again in order to continue speaking, and when I do the burn that accompanies her scent is incredibly strong. I grip the door jam. Somehow the burn is strong, but not as strong as it was in the school. Something about the strong smell of antiseptic in the hospital seems to have dispelled the allure of her blood.

"That's not true!" her voice had risen slightly, and the driver of the van began to stir.

"It is though. How else could I have pushed you out of the way? It would have been completely illogical for me to have gotten there from across the lot." I kept my voice level, still resisting the urge to take her life.

Appealing to her logic seemed to be the way to convince her. Something in her eyes still didn't seem quite right, but she didn't come up with anything else to say.

"I should go."

I start to head out, but she speaks before I can make it to the door.

"Thanks, for everything."

I nod and continue out, leaving the girl and her ridiculous blood behind. I know I must continue to monitor who she tells of her 'ridiculous' notions about what happened, but the other humans will know that my version of events is the only one that makes sense.


	10. The Inevitable

**This chapter follows along pretty closely with Stephanie Myer's wonderful 'Midnight Sun.' Hope you enjoy it!**

Now that my conversation with the girl was over and done with, I faced a force far more formidable: my family.

I arrived home with everyone already assembled at the table, Carlisle apparently having got off his shift early. There was a split second where the only sound was my chair scraping quietly against the floor.

But as soon as I sat down, the tension that was pulled taught between me and my family shattered in an instant.

Everyone was talking at once, apart from Rosalie, who was yelling, and Carlisle who stood disconnected, pinching the bridge of his nose, light purple lids closed.

Rosalie managed to keep up a constant stream of insults through her thoughts, until the minds and words of everyone in the room were frozen by Carlisle's hand coming down to firmly meet the table.

Carlisle was not one to call others to attention; they nearly always listened to him regardless. But in this kind of argument, things were different.

"Why don't we have someone tell us exactly what occurred? We have to fill everyone in completely. Not Edward, because he was the one going through with it, and not Rosalie, for she is rather…impartial. How about Alice? She was there. Alice, would you care to enlighten us on today's events?"

Rosalie and I both sighed and collapsed into our seats, our anger in sync, though our opinions were not. The rest of them followed suit, though in a far quieter manner, except for Alice, who stood on her side of the table.

"Well," she began, clearing her throat, "Edward and I were standing in the parking lot against the Volvo, discussing some…_things_," she sent me a loaded sideways glance, and I rolled my eyes, "when I had a vision. I saw the girl, Jeanette, whose blood tempts Edward, getting squished by a van that was coming into the lot. There wasn't a whole lot of time, so he sort of had to throw himself across the lot to get in front of her."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully, and then gestured for her to continue.

"So he had to snag her and toss her to the side, which is how she broke her arm, and then push the van away. I haven't seen any of the humans questioning his being there, not even the girl will say anything. It beats the alternative," she shrugged.

"And by this you mean?" Rosalie's voice piped up, scathing.

"I _mean_ that if he hadn't saved her, her blood would have been like, everywhere, so then he would've sucked her blood in front of all those people."

Rosalie's eyes softened just slightly, but I was sure mine flashed. Alice's lack of faith in my control hit a soft spot.

"I see…" Carlisle began, "Well then, Rosalie, what is it that angers you?"

"He risked exposure in such a blatant way! The girl will go blabbing her mouth soon, and then what will we do?"

"What evidence do you have that she will do so?"

"She's a human! They're all the same."

"You were a human once too Rosalie," chided Esme quietly, and Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"So are you suggesting that we move?"

"No, I'm suggesting that she dies. She should've died in the accident today. It will be simple to set things right."

I stood up, my chair hitting the floor. I had known she was thinking it, but hadn't expected her to introduce the idea to the family. Jasper was nodding along with Rosalie, and for once he and Alice were not in sync; she was shaking her head vehemently.

"No! She has done nothing wrong!" I can't contain my anger at the thought of all the energy spent towards keeping her alive going to waste.

"Edward, we can't risk our safety for the sake of a human girl who should've died today." Jasper surprised me; I had assumed from the start that he would've sided with Alice.

"You mean you think we'll be putting Alice in danger," I snapped, hissing at him.

He shrugged, but I knew I was right. He wouldn't do anything that might put the safety of Alice at risk. Alice dramatically rolled her eyes at him.

"I can kill her easily," piped up Rosalie, ignoring my low growls. "There won't even be any blood, or any pain. It won't be a problem."

She spoke as if the action was inevitable, and before I could snap, Carlisle interrupted.

"All human life is precious." His voice was gentle, correcting, the completely opposite of hers.

"We can't take that risk!" Rosalie's hand smashed down on the table, her actions again in such contrast of Carlisle's prior motions.

"There's more to future than the girl not saying anything," said Alice, speaking for the first time since telling the story.

We all turned towards her, and I gaped at the vision she held in her mind. It was more of a series of pictures, all completely solid, inevitable.

There was Alice and the girl laughing and talking.

There was the girl amongst the members of my family, comfortable.

Then came her and I in the Volvo, both smiling.

There was the girl asleep in my arms in a darkened room.

Then finally came the image of the girl standing alone, tanned skin turned cold white, sharp green eyes turned a sharp red. Anger was written all over her face, the reason behind it unknown.

Another snapshot flashed quickly, in which the girl was ashen, bloody, dead, in my arms.

"But…how?!" My voice was filled with disbelief, and Emmett groaned.

"What's going on?" Alice and I both ignored him.

"I saw it weeks ago. There's only a few paths left for her Edward. And both involve you."

"What?!" Rosalie cackled at what she could see happening. As obtuse as she could be, she was smart.

"NO!" I started backing out the room. This couldn't be happening. This _wasn't _happening. I wouldn't let it.

Alice turned to the rest of the family, preparing to explain.

"No! It's not happening! Don't say it," my last phrase was a warning.

_They deserve to know,_ she thought.

"Edward will either kill Jeanette or fall in love with her and change her."

The demise of my life summed up so simply into a single sentence, Alice's voice curling around the girl's name as if they were close friends.

"Edward will…fall in _love_ with her? Really?" Esme was stunned, like everyone else in the room apart from Alice.

Emmett laughed loudly. "Tough break Edward!" Count on Emmett to make nothing of a horrific situation.

"Well this…changes some things." Carlisle was the only one who seemed to keep his head.

Alice turned to Jasper. "So it's not exactly the best idea to take out the girl. She and I are going to get along wonderfully," she smiled, eyes glazing over again. But I had no interest in seeing the future again. It was burned into my mind already.

I needed nothing more than to flee from their thoughts.

I needed to get away from Rosalie's smug grin, and Alice's hopefulness.

And Carlisle's deep thoughts.

And Jasper's surprise.

And Emmett's jokes.

And most of all, Esme's pure joy.

So I fled the room, and the house. I went deep into the woods, wanting to forget.

_Needing_ to forget.

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	11. Changing the Future

I ran as fast as I could through the woods, so it wasn't long before I arrived in northern Massachusetts. I managed to avoid civilization the entire way. I couldn't face anyone right now.

A steady snowfall fell from the sky, leaving a strange quiet in the woods, which were utterly absent of the thoughts of all others. Finally I came across a small ridge, not unlike the one from Alaska, though here it was much colder.

I sat, legs dangling over the edge, and let the snow settle in my hair and on my clothes.

At last I forced myself to face what I had done.

Well, I tried to. But the girl's sharp eyes refused to leave my mind. Now though they were not green, but the red eyes of a newborn. They invaded my every thought, blocked any solution that may have been trying to make its way in.

I put my head between my hands and cringed. I had made such a mess of things.

I found that if I focused very hard, I could think. So I clamped my eyes shut and tried desperately to just _think._

Alice has seen only two futures for me. But there must be another way. Even Alice's strongest visions had crumbled before.

I could make these futures crumble.

I wouldn't kill her. That would be…painful. Especially after I had tried so hard to keep her alive.

I wouldn't change her either. That would kill her; I don't have that kind of self control.

Somewhere in the back of my crazed mind, I began to imagine how much easier things would be if she wasn't human.

I wouldn't be tempted by her blood, because there wouldn't be any. She could mingle with my family without fear.

We could perhaps fall for one another.

_No._

None of this could happen. Not only would I kill her, but I would also steal her soul.

And that was something I swore I would never do. I could not condemn her to this empty life. I could not condemn anyone to this life.

Especially not a girl who was as full of life and different as she was. That would be a loss too great to imagine.

_No._

I stopped myself again. Allowing myself to do as Alice had predicted would not help the chances of my hastily constructed future. I would not fall for this girl.

I knew that it would be hard, walking the line of being near her at school without falling for her. It would be so easy, truly like falling. Doing the opposite would be harder than I could imagine, and painful. But I could resist; I had to.

I stayed where I was through the night and the next day, letting the snow pile up around me as I worked to strengthen my resolve.

It was around midnight on Saturday when I arrived back home, the relieved thoughts of my family. Well, the relieved thoughts of everyone but Rosalie. She was still cackling to herself and thinking her steady stream of insults at me.

I didn't speak to anyone, and no one spoke to me, except for Alice. She regarded me sadly with her thoughts.

_I'm so sorry Edward. But it will work out! You and Jeanette will fall so madly in love that you won't even…_

I hissed at her, and reduced her thoughts to a dull roar in the back of my head, doing my best to ignore them.

I stalked past the entire family, trying desperately not to hear what they were thinking. I moved directly to my room, shutting the door behind me and blasting a CD of harsh sounding piano music. Too bad nothing would ever be loud enough to block out their thoughts and the intense burning of the girl's reddened eyes.

I lay on the leather couch in the corner for hours, until the next night had come and gone. My mind continued to go around in circles, wondering what I could've done differently to change what Alice had seen happening. The only thing I could come up with was not coming here at all.

When I saw the sun begin to peek just over the horizon through the window, I sighed and changed my clothes, which were still damp after the snow had melted through them. I sat back down and put my head in my hands until the rest of my family had left, deciding to take Rosalie's car to school.

Moving through the house, I nodded curtly to Esme, who looked after me with worried eyes. I drove the Volvo to the high school and parked in the open spot next to Rosalie's red sports car. The group of gawking boys drooling over her car forced me to rev the engine and make eye contact with a few of them so I could pull in.

I kept my head down as I made my way to first block, knowing that listening to any of the pitiful human's thoughts might set off my already stretched-thin temper. They gave me more attention than usual, seeing as how I had supposedly saved the girl's life last Friday. I ignored them even more thoroughly than usual.

I quickly discovered through her friend's thoughts that the girl would not be coming to school today, as she was getting her hard cast for her arm. Although I was hit with an unavoidable wave of disappointment for I would be unable to test my will, I was also rather relieved.

I could have one more day to ensure that I could handle her proximity.


	12. A Third Future

One more day was all I was given.

The girl returned to school Tuesday, which unfortunately happened to be a day on which we had English class together. I more or less slept through the day, dreading the final period and looking forward to it at the same time.

All day I watched her through the eyes of others, waiting for her to tell them that I had flew across the parking lot. She said nothing to any of the multitude of students who circled around her, demanding to know what happened. She gave a generic version of events with just enough details to satisfy the crowd, much to my relief. Alice's vision or not, Rosalie didn't need any more reasons to kill the girl.

I was undeniably curious as to what she might say to me, if she was going to say anything at all. I knew that if she did attempt to speak to me, I must ignore her. I must maintain my third future.

No mistakes could be made.

When at last English arrived, I was sure to get to the room before all the other students. When the girl walked in, she didn't give me as much as a glance until she sat down in her seat.

"Hey," she said quietly, giving me a swift smile.

I glanced at her, nodded noncommittally and looked back towards the front of the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her eyebrows furrow and something that I couldn't quite catch danced across her eyes. Every part of me wanted to turn to her, and I was taken aback at the force of the pain that washed through me.

I could handle pain; it meant nothing. I would maintain my third future, regardless of the cost.

She turned away from me after that, and as always, took to scribbling away in her notebook. Now more than I ever I wished to know what she was writing about, but I could not even risk leaning over to see.

No mistakes.

I took the risk of taking a breath early on in the class period, and much to my surprise the accompanying burn was not as strong as I remembered. Maybe I was losing my mind. The venom still spilled into the back of my mouth and the muscles across my back were still unmistakably tightened. But I found it easier to resist than before. The curiosity burned.

So I sat very still, forcing myself to fidget every now and then. I never moved my eyes from the front of the room, focusing as hard as I could on anything but the girl.

It didn't work.

The ever-present curiosity seemed somehow stronger than ever, and it seemed that I simply couldn't deny it. A thousand questions fluttered through my mind, and all of them went unanswered.

Does her arm hurt?

Does she still think I flew across the parking lot?

Why is she sighing?

Are the circles under her eyes always that dark?

Why is she pinching the bridge of her nose?

Does she hate me?

And the question that had followed me every day since that first English class that very nearly ended her life: What on earth was she writing about?

There was no way of knowing. Each minute seemed to last an hour. Where is my immortal perspective? It is apparently nonexistent.

After an eternity, the bell rings. I am the first out of the room; I can't afford to allow myself an opportunity to speak with her.

The ride home alone is uneventful, and so is my night. Apart from everyone's chaotic thoughts, our 'lives' carried on much the same; Jasper and Emmett argued jokingly, Rosalie was angry with me, Alice flitted in and out while designing a new outfit for Esme, who was scanning some new blueprints. Carlisle had the evening shift at the hospital.

The night carried on the same, until Alice danced into my room and turned off the music that was loud enough to shake the walls. I picked my head up to look at her, and she raised one eyebrow at me.

"Care to go hunting with me?"

"No." I closed my eyes again.

"Edward, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. You'll give in eventually." She was right; I could see the vision of us hunting together in her head.

So I sighed, got up, and faced the inevitable. She grinned at me and I followed her down the stairs and out the back door, where the eyes of my family looked after us. I studiously ignored them.

She took off running in what I quickly realized was not a random direction; the thoughts of my family and of all others faded away in just a few moments. She stopped suddenly to sit on a rock in a small clearing, patting the space next to her and beckoning me.

"You didn't drag me out here to hunt, did you?" I say, raising one eyebrow at her.

"Nope!" she said brightly, grinning at me.

"Then…how did you create that vision?" I recalled the vision she had held in her mind of us hunting.

"That was just a memory, duh! You weren't even paying enough attention to see that it was the wrong season in my 'vision.'"

"Hm," I responded, trying to remember again. She was right; it was late summer in the vision, not early winter. I really _wasn't _paying any attention. That wasn't me at all.

After a few moments of silence, she spoke impatiently. "Don't you want to know why I _really _dragged you all the way out here?"

I shrugged, knowing it had something to do with the girl. It wasn't even worth saying that I didn't want to know; she was going to tell me anyway. But I didn't want to say that I did and have her think that she had gotten her way _again._

"It's going to happen, no matter what you do. I know it." Her voice was lined with unkempt impatience, and she even sounded a little annoyed with me. I rolled my eyes, for what seemed like the thousandth time this month.

"I can change the future Alice. None of it is set in stone. Your visions have changed before." I said, keeping my voice low, level. My temper was something that I could barely keep contained, and I didn't want to lash out at Alice, especially not now.

"But I can see what you're doing now, and I know where it will take you. See what I see Edward," her mind launched into an unwavering vision, but I ignored her. I didn't want to see it.

"It'll get harder every day, this whole staying away from her thing. It's going to get more and more painful for you, and eventually you'll have to give in," she continued on, mentally trying to force her vision into my head. Finally I looked at the scene, and I knew she was right.

Ignoring the girl would put me through increasing agony; it would, in fact, get harder with each day. I watched myself desperate to speak with her, always following her through the eyes of others, becoming more and more sad and angry each day.

But Alice couldn't see me giving in, for which I was glad. I knew now that I would be able to resist from giving into either of her original visions, and that gave me hope and a great deal of confidence. I was proud of myself, seeing that I would have that much self-control.

"So what?" I said, remember that Alice was looking at me expectantly. "It'll get harder, but I can resist. You didn't see my new future crumbling, did you?"

She hesitated, biting her lip. "Please just let it happen Edward. I want to talk to Jeanette _now_."

I shook my head at her and her unusually selfish intentions. But if Alice wanted something, she knew how to get it.

"Let it go Alice. I'm not going to fall in love with the girl, or kill her. I don't care about your imagined friendship with her. I won't give up her soul and my sanity if I can prevent it," I said, my voice hardening. I got up off the rock and was about to take off when Alice spoke again.

"It's not just my own happiness that's at stake here. You'd be incredibly happy if you'd just let yourself fall for Jeanette, I know it."

I scoffed her at; I knew that things might seem better for a while if I let what Alice wanted happen. But sooner or later I would have to face killing her or changing her, and I was not willing to do either of those things.

So I left Alice standing there, her face falling as she watched me disappear out of the clearing.


	13. Slipping

I continued with a nightly run into the forest. There, relishing in the pure absence of thoughts, I would strengthen my own resolve, going over every reason I could conjure up as to why this was the best course of action.

To neither Alice's nor I's surprise, my sister was right. The pain grew continuously stronger. Although I was unsurprised, I realized I had still been holding out hope that it would ease up, that the escalation of pain would stop.

That hope was crushed almost immediately.

My time alone in the woods was the only point in the day where anything felt right. Other than that, everything felt very much wrong. Staying away from the girl seemed so wrong; I ached to speak with her. I couldn't fall back into my old routine; things had changed too much.

Just as I ignored the girl, she ignored me. After speaking to me that first day back, she never said anything to me again. This brought yet another unexpected pain to the table.

My family grew increasingly worried about me, apart from Rosalie, who treated me with more disdain than ever. I ignored all of them, especially Alice. Her mental pleading for me to do what she wanted never ceased.

So although I forbid myself to speak with the girl, I could not resist watching her through the eyes of others—I did not have the energy or mental capacity to do so. It gave me some comfort and peace of mind, knowing she what she was up to.

Through the thoughts, memories, and words of her friends and family, I learned about her. I learned that the writing was not independent of English class; rather, she did it all the time.

But much to my dismay, no one—not even her best friend Charlotte—knew what it was that she scribbled and typed away about. Although I was unreasonably annoyed with the slight, dark haired best friend, for not knowing, I was grateful to her.

She almost always provided the best view of the girl, and genuinely paid attention to her. They also spent a lot of time together, running and talking. Better yet, she bore no animosity towards the girl—something that was seemingly rare amongst many of the girls Jeanette spoke with. Most of their views were twisted by what I saw to be jealousy.

Those on her track team were not, for the most part, in this petty group. But they also didn't focus on her much, making them more or less useless to me in my endeavors.

Not too many of the boys she spoke with provided a clear view of the girl. Instead, their possessive and often crude thoughts about her angered me in a way that was unsafe for both them and my own sanity.

I did my best to steer clear of their minds.

One in particular was more annoying than the rest. I learned that his named was Jonathon, and that unlike most of the others, he was actually a good friend of Jeanette's. This made him a satisfactory avenue to her—had his mind not been filled with disgusting futures he had thought up for himself and the girl. I would have fatally injured him in a heartbeat armed with the anger he drew up within me, but I was going to keep my record as clean as possible.

She spent a surprising amount of time with her three siblings when they were home from college. She was the youngest of the four, but was not treated as such, but rather as an equal to them. It was through their eyes that I learned more and more about her unusual maturity. She spoke as if she was wise and aged, something that was, needless to say, highly uncommon amongst teenage humans.

After a few weeks, I began to realize that maybe her words weren't the best way into her mind, but maybe it was her eyes. When she spoke to anyone who paid enough attention, I saw that she often had the strangest look about her. Her eyes would gloss over just a bit, and she would appear sad. It was never a weepy sort of sad, but despite her youth, she looked ancient in her odd unhappiness.

It was a fleeting look, never lingering for long. It would appear in her eyes at seemingly random times, and then just like that, it was gone, replaced with a smile and a laugh.

How I wished I could read her mind.

One of the only advantages to all this was that I got better at, well, not killing her. Her blood, although still appealing, drove me less and less mad. Perhaps it was that I had no mental capacity left to think of anything but how to stay away from her, just a little bit longer.

As I watched her from across the cafeteria just over a month after the near accident, ignoring the banter of my family, I knew that I did not love this girl. I didn't right this moment, but I would. At some point, I would give in somehow, and I would fall for her. It would be so incredibly easy, falling in love with this endlessly fascinating girl. She held so many impossible mysteries to unravel.

But she was more than a mystery. She was good and real and _different._ She was unlike anyone I'd ever met, though I didn't actually know her personally.

Sometimes I wanted to laugh at myself; here I was, thinking I knew this girl, but in reality everything I "knew" about her was a puzzle I'd put together in my mind based off those around her.

Every once in a while, I would slip. I would allow myself to think of what letting myself fall for her would be like, what questions I would ask first. The writing would be the first thing on my mind, and next all the running she did.

It was strange, the running. When I watched her through the eyes of those who trailed behind her while running on the track, I saw her in physical pain. I watched her rub her damaged, occasionally bloody feet, I watched her sprint until her legs gave out, I watched her ice aching muscles. The sight of her in this much pain made me cringe, and it made no sense. As far as I could see, it was entirely masochistic.

How I wanted to ask her about these things.

So as the girl got up from her table, I saw her lift her eyes to meet mine. She arched one eyebrow, and then turned away. Just like that.

I wondered if when at last I allowed myself to give in, to fall for her, if I could maintain my third future. Would it be possible to admit that I cared about her while still staying away? I wasn't sure.

But I knew I didn't have enough willpower left to avoid finding out.

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	14. Losing the Battle

The days wore on, passing far slower than they ever did before. Each one was completely filled with girl. I continued to learn about her, and I noticed two things that stood out: she always carried both her iPod and journal with her.

The iPod was a small silver model, and she nearly always had at least one headphone in. I couldn't be sure what she was listening to, so it too became a mystery. But it made me think that we might have at least one thing in common: a love of music.

The journal was the one she was always writing in, if she wasn't typing away on her old laptop, which she left at home. It had a leather cover and binding, and was held shut by a long string of the same material. The pages inside looked yellowed and old, though I never got a good look at those. No one did.

For someone who knew so many people, Jeanette seemed to spend an awful lot of time alone. She would lock herself away from the rest of her family each night, and when she wasn't at practice, she would often go out running alone. Though she obviously didn't mind, I sure did; I couldn't see her at all when she wasn't with someone else, and that was infuriating.

How was I supposed to know if she was safe? I worried about her during these times especially; I knew her blood didn't appeal only to me, and there were others of my kind out there.

I was over-reacting, over-protective of something that wasn't even mine to begin with. That would never be mine.

I was losing my mind, the sanity I had tried so hard to preserve slipping away all the time.

On one Sunday afternoon in late January, I watched her through the eyes of her mother as she left the house, dressed in her usual running attire, her blue jacket sleeve pulled over the cast on her left arm.

She shut the door behind her, and as I realized that I would have to go without seeing for some short but indefinite amount of time, I snapped. All the mysteries that surrounded her, all the words I was desperate to hear her say, all the millions of times I had begged to hear just one little mutter from her mind, all of these things came together into one ridiculous, impulsive moment.

One ridiculous, impulsive moment whose far reaching consequences had the potential to shatter my carefully constructed third future.

_No._

I was going to _see _her, that was all. I wasn't going to speak to her, and I most certainly wasn't going to allow her to see me. I was simply going to watch her run, to watch over her. That would be my role.

I would _not _speak to her.

If I were being honest with myself, I would be willing to admit that I was slipping towards Alice's futures and away from my own, that I was beginning to make mistakes. But I wasn't exactly much in the business of being honest with myself as of late, so I told myself that nothing would come of it.

Under all the self-dishonesty and inner conflict, I felt the strangest jittery high creep over me. It was as if I'd been in intense pain, and it was at last coming to an end. Which, in the eyes of say, Alice, was true. But this was more than simple relief; it felt easier to breathe, and for the first time in a rather long time, I truly felt the wind blowing against my ice cold skin as I ran, blatantly ignoring the grin Alice had given me on my way out the door.

I relished in the feeling of buoyancy, of weightlessness, as I ran. Had I not been so eager to see her, the run would have been over too quickly. But as it is, the former desire overrode the latter.

I found her easily, following her strong scent. She did not live in a very populated area of town, so I knew it would be easy to trail her while keeping to the trees that lined the road.

When I spotted her at last, the relief grew even stronger. I smiled to myself against my own will; I could not deny myself this simply, insane happiness.

What if I was losing my battle with the future?

_No._ I couldn't think about that right now, there would be time for that later.

She made her way down a long, winding road, the air she blew out of her reddened cheeks becoming visible in the freezing air. Her red hair swung back and forth in its ponytail, and her eyes were focused on something off in the distance that even I, with my more than perfect vision, could not seem to see. Her feet rolled off the pavement, turning over and over, and even without speaking to her, I knew that this was her element. She looked as if she belonged here, and she really did.

And so with that, I found another thing that this girl, this fascinating, lovely human girl, and I, a monster in every way, had in common: we both loved to run.

But I kept my promise to myself: I did not disturb her.

She ran for a long time, far more than an hour. By my guess, she covered slightly over 9 miles, a huge distance for a human of any kind. When she returned to her home, the sun had just slipped beneath the horizon and darkness was beginning to set over the hills of this insignificant town.

I smiled to myself when I realized that I had hardly been forced to restrain the monster in me; the wind had blown her scent in the other direction, for the most part.

She made her way back into the house, still utterly oblivious of any watching eyes. The door swung shut behind her, and it rang through the garage with a metallic finality I wasn't ready to face. I wasn't ready for my time actually with her, though she was unaware of my presence, to end just yet.


	15. Drowning

I sat there, behind the tree line, warring with myself until long after the sun had gone and the moon had risen. The more noble part of me told me to go home, that I had done enough damage to my third future as it was. The other, more selfish part of me simple reminded me of how difficult it was to be away from her.

The noble side lost the argument.

There were no more conscious thoughts left in the neighborhood, and my watch informed me it was two in the morning.

I was filled with self-disgust as I made my way up to the front of the house, but I was unable to stop myself. I glanced at the front door, but it was surely locked. This didn't matter to me, but I wasn't interested in scaring the family by leaving behind a broken lock. I climbed easily onto the sloping roof above the porch, and attempted to open the closest window.

Regrettably, it was locked shut. But as I peered into the window, I sucked in a surprised breath. It was _her _room. She, unlike the rest of the surrounding area, was still awake, the light of her laptop illuminating her face as she typed away, green eyes hidden behind dark-rimmed glasses. Through the silence of the night, I could hear her headphones playing quiet piano music into her ears, and I smiled unconsciously. What am I has some benefits.

I only looked for a moment before gathering myself together and swinging off to the side, out of the girls' view, were she to look up. I prayed she hadn't seen me.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._ What was I thinking?! Of course her thoughts wouldn't be 'conscious!' I couldn't hear them at all!

As angry as I was with my own unthinking stupidity, I didn't move from the roof, hanging by one hand off its edge. I listened closely for any footsteps coming towards the window, ready to land on the grass below should that happen.

To my insane relief, the only sounds continued to be the clicking noise that ensued as she typed, her music, her breathing, and her heartbeat. All acceptable, if not wonderful sounds.

After just a few more minutes, I heard her laptop shut and with it the music stopped. The computer was placed on the floor, and her sheets rustled for a moment. Her breathing and heartbeat slowed almost immediately, and after I had counted the seconds between them and was sure she was asleep, I swung back onto the roof.

Instead of remaining at my previous post, I made my way across the roof to the window next to Jeanette's. This one, thankfully, was unlocked, and I eased it open before sliding through the open space. It was another bedroom, presumably belonging to her older sister as it was empty and all her siblings were away attending college.

I found my way to her room easily, wondering to myself why on earth she was up in the middle of the night. She needed her sleep, didn't she? I couldn't remember how much sleep humans needed, but I was sure this was not normal.

I wasn't breathing when I crept into her room, hating myself more every moment. What was I doing here? It was disgusting of me, watching her _sleep_.

But as always, desire overpowered my constant self-loathing.

I got a better look at her room from the inside, and, from what I'd learned about her, it was relatively unsurprising. At least 75% of the walls were covered in running posters, quotes, a few song lyrics, and strange numbers on small rectangles of paper. I wasn't sure of their purpose, but I was sure that they had _something_ to do with running.

There was a desk against the window that I had sat outside of, on it a lamp and a small pile of papers, surrounded by multiple pens. A mug that I knew had been warm only an hour ago sat on the corner of the papers, only a small ring of coffee remaining inside it. The small chair that sat nearby had a jacket slung over the back, and I recognized her iPod as it spilled out of the pocket, headphones touching the floor.

A bureau sat against one of the walls, the top of it covered in clothes. Her closet doors were shut, and those too were covered in various posters. I nearly tripped on the bag at the foot of her bed that a pair of running shoes was spilling out of.

Her room didn't really give me any new answers, but over dredged up more questions I longed to ask her.

As always.

I could practically feel the heat radiating off her in this small space, so I moved silently to the chair by the desk and sat down, still not looking at her. My eyes soon fell on the shelf next to her bed that was filled with books, on one book in particular that sat apart from the others.

It was _her _book. It was the one she always scribbled in, always carried around. It contained so many answers that I wanted so strongly it was beginning to feel like a necessity.

It would be an extreme invasion of privacy, reading that book. I didn't know what secrets it held, or if it held anything I would want to see. But I was desperate to know.

So I decided to allow myself to read just one line, that was all. It wasn't enough, but I would force myself to wait until she invited me to read it willingly.

I wanted to laugh at my own ridiculous ignorance. Not only could I see my third future falling apart, but I couldn't bring myself to care enough to do anything. Moreover, she was _never_ going to let me read it. That was a given, seeing as how no one else had seen it, and she didn't even know me at all.

Even so, I unwound the leather string and opened the book. Luckily for my limited self-control, the first page held only one line written in neat, black script.

_I am on a quest to be someone extraordinary._

That was it. Just one line, the entire rest of page completely blank.

The book held a million answers, but the first line held only a million questions.

I wanted to groan. What was going on with this girl? I'd never come across a more mysterious human in my entire existence, which is obviously why she stands out.

Why she's making everything I'd pieced together and called my life fall apart.

I shut the book with slightly more force than necessary and returned to the chair. At last I looked at her sleeping form, where she was so blissfully unaware of the feelings she was swirling around in my head. Her red hair was spread across her pillow, and all the lines in her face were smoothed out. The sharpness of her green eyes was gone behind closed lids, and with them her mystical ancient sadness.

She had no idea just how extraordinary she already was.

I let that thought sit in my own mind, let it sink in and wash over me. I drowned in it, in how lovely and intriguing this girl was.

I watched her turn over and sigh quietly, and I knew that I had been lying to myself. My third future never had a chance. Alice had been right all along.

I let that wash over me as well, and I knew that I should have been angry with myself, that I should have left right then and there. But my future had already crumbled, and in all reality it had never truly been a future at all, only some futile planning on my part.

"Jeanette," I whispered, hardly audible. What was happening to me?

By some miraculous coincidence, or, as I'd love to believe, by fate, a small smile played across her lips. And so just as in the moments where I had first come near her blood, and when where I saved her life from the van, everything changed for me.


End file.
